Friendship

"A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow." ―William Shakespeare

I’ve never been one to start something with a quote, but I think there’s a first time for everything. When I typed “friendship” onto this blog post, I then searched the Internet for something that would summarize my feelings on friendship. This quote by Shakespeare hit home. I believe friendship is a something that brings out the best in you. Friendship is growing, changing, and finding someone who sees it and still accepts you. Friendship is a relationship between two people who recognize the differences in each other and still loving one another. Friendship is being able to listen to each other and talk openly. Friendship has been a topic that I had in mind when I started this blog. I wanted to talk about the evolution of my friendships and what’s it like to be a young adult with friends.

It took me years to figure out what friendship meant to me. As a child, I was a bossy friend that told my friends what to do. I moved around a lot so I made friends at school and then lost them when we moved again. As a teenager, I was so glad to have made friends and to be hanging out. So many late nights spent driving around, singing and fighting against those angsty teenage feelings. Online AOL chatting with friends and changing Myspace Top 8’s to mirror the friends I had become close with. As a young adult, friendship for me has been rocky. Friends have come and gone. Friends have become roommates turned into frenemies over stupid fights. Friendships changed and I’m okay with knowing that because, hey we are all adults. I have lost friends and I have gained friends, but I am so happy with those people have remained my friends all this time.

One of my favorite female friendships is to my friend I email on a weekly basis. She and I share things about work, relationships, and books we are reading. Within these emails I have shared my thoughts and fears and I feel like we have reached some sort of deep communication. Every time I hit the send button, I feel a great sense of relief because I am able to let out a little of myself. Emailing long distance to my friend has been the biggest exercise in communication and listening skills. I have never had such a responsive and attentive friend before and it feels so magical and loving to have one now. This friend makes me feel like every weird 20-something quirk that I am going through is not weird and that life is easier knowing I can tell her these secrets and that she can share her own with me. Our text messages are equally amazing, because I make sure to talk about boy butts and fart situations that make her work days a little brighter. Talking to my friend this way is something I treasure and I cannot wait to see her in a couple of weeks.

Another example of one of my best friendships is to my boyfriend Ray. Ray and I met in a difficult situation but from that our friendship grew into love.  We met almost 7 years ago through his ex-girlfriend. We knew each other on a very casual level. He knew me as that crazy punk girl, and I saw him as my friend’s boyfriend.  We would go to improv comedy nights on campus or see each other out after class. I was a very casual acquaintance with his ex-girlfriend. When they had broken up, we met again in our college’s student union by mistake almost 5 months after their break up. I was very hungry and I kept the conversation going by threatening to steal from him and use his body as shield at the Subway counter. The group of girls I was eating with both loved him and in fact one of them said I should f#$( him. After that day, I pursued him via text for over a month, giving up after some time. He finally got the clue and responded. We went to see a movie and realized a couple weeks later that we wanted to be together. This is the type of love they write songs about, like Bon Jovi’s hit song Livin’ on a Prayer. This love stemmed from us becoming friends and getting to know each other. Now, our relationship means so much to me and I am thrilled we got to know each other. After being together for 5 years, we have become each other’s best friend. We know each other so well and I have personally have never known love and acceptance like this before. Thank you Ray for being my best friend.

Have you ever had that beautiful amazing friend that is so supportive that they are your own cheerleader? I have several cheerleaders that reach out to me when I am in need. They send me messages of encouragement, they say how wonderful I am. It definitely helps my self esteem to know that they see me the way I want to be seen. As friend, I do my part to reciprocate those messages and try to talk more about things going on in their lives. I want to know that they are doing well too. I want them to know that I see them the way they want to be seen. And I know we all have those friends that we don’t talk to often, but they are there. So reach out and tell them you care.

In the beginning of this year, I listened to Lena Dunham’s Women of the Hour Podcast series, in which she covered several topics including female friendship. This podcast inspired me to think about my current friendships. Also, Dunham’s podcast had me reflect openly about the friendships I’ve had in the past. She actually talks about her friendship with Ashley, an email friend just like mine. Their discussion of love, feelings of worthiness, and other thoughts reminded me of how beautiful friendships can be. It also made me think of past female friendships that I’ve had and whether they were actually beneficial to me. Was there something there that my friend and I didn’t express? Did they feel something I did not? Was I being the selfish friend? All of these questions have been my mind and I know I won’t get closure. They linger there and I have to think that it's better they are left unanswered so I won’t have to worry about these people anymore. I feel better moving on and living my life and knowing they are living theirs. I don’t want to confront and fight over the past. I just want to live.